Doug and I would talk about the days when the kids got older. Four little children, 7 and under. Jamie is the oldest daughter; Jennifer is the second daughter, Jodi is the third daughter and Devon is the youngest, our only boy. We would anticipate how things would be when they were older. Anticipation. The dictionary describes it as visualization of a future event or state. We all visualize only good events in our lives.
As the children grew older, we learned – that things weren’t simplified, they just changed in more challenging ways. I don't know if there is a better definition for "shock", but when that unseen horrific event happens in your life, shock consumes you. This wasn't visualized. The world stops. Time stands still. Shock takes you over and controls you. In a moment you are changed. No decisions, no thought to it, just changed. The devil has entered into your world today. You never see him, but you feel him. It's not what you have been taught or heard all your life; about the devil. Not a little red creature with a pitch fork who dwells in the fiery underground, but an entity that enters into your body and soul delivering unending grief.
Files coming soon.