Moving through the grief – it is as though the world has been turned upside down, so that the pieces all fall in unexpected places. It is hard to know where to place our trust, hard to plan for a future which is clouded with uncertainty.
You must cope. At times, coping is lonely. It prompts some family and friends to draw back. You lose relationships with them because they can’t cope with you or the situation. But you must cope – you have to. You have to make sure you get through another day. People don’t want to be around you because you are sad all the time. You try so hard to fit in, join in a conversation, and smile on the outside, but you just cant break away from the anguish that engulfs you.
In the beginning everyone is surrounding you, supporting you, comforting you. Then one day, they are gone. Everyone returns to their normal lives. As time goes by they stop coming to the hospital to visit. Eventually they stop asking, "how is he doing?" You find yourself saying "he is still alive you know". They carry on like he is dead. You want to lash out at everyone. You are so angry that he doesn’t exist for them. You are so angry that you feel this way.
You persevere because there is no alternative. It's all you can do to get through the day without collapsing. You fight back tears. You control your anger. You cry yourself to sleep. Most of what you have to do is less than enjoyable and you don't have time for anything enjoyable. Friends stop visiting because they feel uncomfortable. You become more and more isolated. Although you feel guilty, you wonder what if he did not survive. When in fact, the person you knew before the injury did not survive. And, unless something drastic is done, it feels like your family will not survive either.
No matter what, you still don’t have your son. Everyone says we should be grateful because he is alive, and we are! We are! We so very are! , but we still don’t have our son.
What gets us through is that we do still have our child. We thank you Jesus for this every day and every night.
AFTER TRAGEDY, DEVOTION TRIUMPHS